So I would first like to give a HUGE “Congrats!” to Ms.Kibibi on her book launch! I’m so happy for her and I know there will be more success to come!!
Midterms have come and gone just as the seasons are beginning to change. It is now Fall Break for me which means 3 days of blissful nothingness before I begin a new descent into the oblivion that is my schoolwork. For the time being, I can make up for lost time on the blog.
Recently, I had a conversation about hair care with my friend. We shared recipes, styling tips, and, of course, delved into the topic of natural and relaxed hair. My friend, whom I will refer to as “A” from now on, is natural and she did her big chop back in August. As we were talking, I began venting about some heated discussions with some naturals. I told A that I’ve had a few occurrences where I have been chided by naturals for being relaxed. Lines like:
“You are just conforming to what white society thinks you should look like.”
“Your hair will NEVER* be healthy as long as you keep relaxing.” *Emphasis added by the speaker.
“Are you relaxed because you aren’t comfortable with who you are as a black woman?”
Lines like these make me sick. Anyone who knows me knows that I don’t take kindly to being berated over nothing. I especially don’t like being criticized when you know nothing about me; I know who I am as a woman AND a black woman. What I chose to do with what is on top of my head is my business and mine alone. Not that I need to explain myself but relaxing is what is easy to me for the moment. I do not have the time nor do I feel like making the time to find new products that work with my curly roots. More than anything, detangling (for me) is a long and arduous task that would try my oh-so-little patience. At this point in my life, natural hair is not for me right now, so to those who say this kind of outlandish mess, y’all can miss me with that BS.
Back to the conversation, A is a very level-headed person and as I related my experiences to her, she agreed with that the words “natural” or “relaxed” is no longer a simple style choice. It’s a life choice in the idea that you are one instead of the other and you’re entire character as a person is put into question. She also mentioned that she is truly beginning to realize how becoming natural can make some become “naturally insane.” (Her words not mine and that’s why I love her.) She said that some of the worst offenders are those who are natural but still don’t know how to properly care for their hair (i.e. their hair is dry, damaged, an overall mess, or a combination of the 3) all the while, they chide others who haven’t gone natural.
My question is: when did it become that serious?! When did the simple subject of hairstyles become something worth arguing over? What’s cute on you may not work for someone else. Simple as that. But now the conversation has devolved into a topic where many have an opinion but few want to listen to the others.
But this doesn’t just go to the naturals. I’ve heard some rude comments said about naturals by relaxed women. It’s a horrible, vicious cycle. So I return to my question: Is it that serious?!
Why can’t we accept what others do with their heads? It’s not yours. Why do you care so much? Or if you are that headstrong, agree to disagree. It’s ok. I promise that no one will get hurt. We should be taking each other’s advice. What works for a natural might just work for you. Be open to others. This isn’t Hunger Games: Relaxed V. Natural.
Ladies I would love to know your opinions and I promise to respond ASAP
From one student to another <3
Ms.Danielle